Manly Names And Brad's Biceps

On my forays across the vast internets, I have ran across a lot of cool websites. One of my favorite types of geeky websites are "name generator" sites. Whether you need a quick fantasy villain name for table top games, or looking for reggae names for a friends new pet; there is always a website out there for you, waiting to generate random, and often funny names.

I was perusing the internet, as I am wont to do, and came across an article about WWI's infamous "Red Barron". The pilot's real name is Manfred von Richtofen, which may just be the most manly name in the world.

...Even though his hair kinda makes him look like a penis...

Wait. Does that make him more manly?

...That is untill I came across a "Max Fightmaster" in an article on manly names from Cracked.com. Max is, or at least was in 2003, in the armed forces. Infact he holds a rank of Staff Seargent. Thats right, his full title would be Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster. Holy. Shit.

All these manly names reminded me of an old Podtoid(one of Destructoid.com's now defunct podcasts) joke about one Brad Nicholson.

This literal HULK of a nerd.

Basically, they decided that the name "Brad Nicholson" was not manly enough for Brad up there, so they came up with the nickname "Chet". They then joked about about other manly names: Frag Thickfeet, Snake Kickhead, Butch Rockfist, etc. Well, turns out there is a website that generates these names. Much laughs were had with the Manly Name Generator. I have a sneaking suspicion that Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster's parents might just run the damn thing...

The Clothesless Connection

For a long time I have asked myself, why do I like games?

Is it graphics?

No, I still love to play old NES games more than many newer titles.

Is it gameplay?

No, there are incredibly simple games that have pretty much no gameplay to speak of that I like as well.

Is it story?

No again, many of my favorite games of the past have little to no story.

So what is it?

I thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion that the best way to find out is to list my top 3 favorite games, and see what they all had in common.

1. World of Warcraft
2. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
3.The Sims 3

Then it came to me. In all three games, you can take your clothes off and run around naked.

In oblivion and the Sims, you can even take other people's clothes off (granted, you have to be looting their corpse in oblivion, so it's not as fun.). Some might say that this is rather contemptible, but hey, I'm a rather contemptible guy. There is something liberating about not wearing clothes that you can feel even when in a video game.

Now lets take a closer look at what makes each of these games a gem when it comes to clotheslessness.

1. World of Warcraft.

While you are still wearing underwear when you have all your armor removed (unless you have the nudity mod installed, you dirty, dirty boy) it is still fun to gauge the people around you's reaction. Especially if you try to have a meaningful conversation with them. Also fun, is to start stripping while having said conversations. This also serves as a great way to troll people in instances. Usually one of two things will happen. Everyone will either bitch at you about not having any armor or stat buffs, or for some inexplicable reason, everyone else will take off their armor too. The latter makes me believe that there are a lot of closet nudists out there in WoW, just waiting for a friend that understands their needs.

2. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Now beyond a few quests and some interesting glitches that I have seen, the majority of the people in Oblivion wear clothes. This always changes once I kill them. Now you may be thinking that there is something horribly wrong with me (and you are probably right) but hear me out. Blacksmithing. That's right. In oblivion you benefit from stripping all the clothes off of your victims bodies and repairing them for them. And believe me, to fully level blacksmithing, you will have to strip A LOT of people.

3. The Sims

Or as I like to call it, the multi-party sex simulator. Okay, so out of the other games, this may just be the most family friendly, and to fully get the most out of it, you have to do some rather extensive modding and searching on some rather... questionable corners of the web. But trust me. Its worth it. I have seen more deprived acts preformed by my Sims than I have ever seen in all of the porn I have ever watched. Fellatio chairs, sex showers, censor removers, the orgy bed. The list just goes on and on. But I think the best thing is that, now, whenever I see the EA/Maxis logo, I get a hard-on.

Oh yea, that's the stuff.

Now, there are other reasons that I like those games. The leveling, the customization, the open world feel, the modding communities, etc. But first thing that came to my mind, was the quasi nudity they all share.

So my conclusion is:

I like games because they give me a boner.

-EQ out-